I got my first piece of what can sort of be called "fan mail" the other day. Out of respect for the author's anonymity, I won't say more than that it was from a pregnant woman, and it was quite possibly one of the sweetest things I've ever read. That said, thank you for the incredibly kind words: you know who you are and this post goes out to you. The note, however, did raise an issue that I think a lot of women struggle with: how to feel about being pregnant.
We all know those pregnant women who love being pregnant. They "glow", share every detail of their pregnancy (even the ones you'd rather not know) and spend every moment of their gestation in sheer bliss.
I was not one of these women.
I spent the first half of my pregnancy barfing like a supermodel. I spent the second half on "home rest" thinking if I walked up a flight of stairs my son's placenta would detach. I cried every time I looked down and saw the giant tree trunks that used to be my thighs. (Later I would cry because when I looked down, I couldn't see anything at all other than my giant belly.) I was told that I "glowed" but then, so did Three Mile Island, if you get my drift. In short, I utterly and completely hated being pregnant.
The hormones didn't help either. My poor husband had to endure quite a bit of abuse as a result. I remember one time I asked him to bring me and Arby's roast beef sandwich (which I craved like a madwoman). He dropped what he was doing and brought me the sandwich, but he forgot the sauce, so I came completely unglued. Sadly, things like this happened a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the little creature that was growing inside of me. But I was terrified that the way I felt towards my pregnancy would make me a bad mother. Rest assured, though, you WILL go on to be as good a mother as the pregnant women who love being pregnant. In fact, I think you'll go on to be a BETTER mother, because those women are the same women who later go on to announce to anyone who will listen that their 4 year-old is "gifted". (Until he/she wins the Nobel Prize or cures cancer, your kid is just a kid, lady, and if you keep labeling them, they'll be seeing a child psychologist faster than you can say "Prozac").
If you're completely freaking out about being pregnant, I think you're having a normal and healthy reaction. Whenever I encounter a gushing pregnant woman, I think she must either a) be a liar b) have the self-control of Ghandi, or c) be vastly out of touch with reality. You are about to become a parent. If this does not make you completely freak out, then you have no idea what parenting entails. If for no other reason than the fact that you can't have sushi for the better part of a year, you should at least be a little edgy.
And while I can't offer much to assuage the sheer terror that comes with pregnancy, I can give you some advice to help keep you comfortable:
Keep food with you at all times. Hunger strikes pregnant women differently than non-pregnant women. If I feel hunger pangs now, I just know that I have to eat sometime within the next week and I'll be fine. Not so when I was pregnant. I was certain that if I didn't eat IMMEDIATELY that I was going to have to gnaw my own arm off or kill someone (probably my husband). To combat this issue, I started taking food with me everywhere I went. Sure, your friends will laugh at you when you bust out a Belly Bar, some Fig Newtons, a bag of Sour Patch Kids, and a banana (true story) but it's better than starving to death, which you will be certain you are going to do if you don't eat NOW.
Bubble baths rock. Eventually your belly gets HUGE, and submerging yourself in water takes some of the weight off your hips and back. Around month 8 you will swear your belly physically cannot get any bigger, but then amazingly, it does. Taking a bath every night was the only way I stayed sane towards the end of my pregnancy for the simple fact that for about 30 minutes, I couldn't feel the weight of my belly.
Tylenol PM is safe to take when you're pregnant. My doctor assured me of this one. Eventually you'll get to the point where you won't be able to sleep. Like, at all. This is horribly cruel, because the baby will come soon and then you REALLY won't be able to sleep. So when I started losing sleep towards the end of my pregnancy, I started popping Tylenol PM. It helps immensely.
Don't sit in a comfy chair/couch unless you have someone around to pull you out. I got stuck once at one of those luxury car washes because I plopped into a leather recliner while David was out talking to the car wash guys. When David came in to get me he said, "Come on, let's go!" from across the room. To which I had to reply (in front of a dozen or so other people) "Ummm, you have to come pull me out because I'm stuck." I promise, before your pregnancy is over you'll get stuck in something, and I just hope you've heeded my advice and have someone to extract you.
Hope this helps! To all those pregnant women out there who read this: good luck to you. You are braver (and let's be totally honest here: crazier) than any man on the planet could ever be. But you're a member of the Mom Club now, and every women who has ever given birth has your back. And if you can do this (which you can) you can do anything.
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