I decided to start a blog in a frantic effort to save my sanity. Being a stay-at-home-mom is incredibly difficult for me, and I think having an outlet might help. See, once upon a time, I had a career. It was a good job that kept me on my toes and afforded a moderately comfortable living for me and my then-grad-student husband. But then one day an at-home pregnancy test came back with two lines instead of one, and everything changed. My husband, David, graduated and accepted a lucrative position in Austin, and we decided that I should quit my job and be a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).
The logic behind the decision was this: David would be making more than enough to comfortable support our burgeoning family, we were both raised by SAHMs, and we'd probably just buy something stupid with the extra income (a new car, big tv, etc.) And what could be more important than the raising our child?
Ha.
What they DON'T tell you is that not all women are mentally geared for SAHM-hood. For some women, staying home is a complete joy. I am not one of those women. I've had a job since I was 15, and I think my brain just became programmed for a career. But I love my son more than anything in the world, so I'm trying to beat my psyche into submission and learn to be a good SAHM. (And by "good", I mean, "not have a complete psychological break-down".)
So here we go...
A little bit about me: I'm a few weeks shy of my 27th birthday, and I'm married to the nicest man I've ever met. My son is Jackson (10 months), and he's the most even-tempered child you will ever meet. He's also giant (he wears 2T clothes) and the pediatrician says if he continues to grow the way he's growing, he'll be about 6'5".
Speaking of which, I think Jack is having yet another growth spurt. I can always tell one is coming because he starts eating like a fat kid on a cake-bender, and a week later, none of his clothes fit. But he's growing, which is a good thing, because it means 1) he's healthy and 2) he's becoming more of a human being.
Yeah, yeah, babies are people, too. I know. Thanks to his perpetual presence, I get to use the HOV lane. But let's be honest here: newborns are kind of jerks. They keep ridiculous hours, scream a lot, and assume you exist for the sole purpose of accommodating them. It's like having a miniature crack-head for a roommate. To quote an as-yet non-famous comedian I once met: they look just enough like you to keep you from kicking them.
I think the hardest part of being a SAHM is the loneliness. If you outsource your childcare, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. But let me tell you, it's very lonely. (Think: Tom Hanks alone on his island talking to a volleyball.) Alas, unless you have the IQ of a small woodland creature, a baby does not provide stimulating company. None of my friends are SAHMs. I tried to pick up a hobby, but it turns out I'm neither artsy nor craftsy. I tried to meet other moms at Starbucks (you know, the really cute ones who hang out there at 10am in their workout clothes) but it turns out I'm not cool.
What I am, however, is a writer. Or at least, I used to be. My hope is that if I write a little bit each day, I'll be more like my former self. Whether anyone actually reads this or not is totally irrelevant. I'm just trying to do something for myself.
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ReplyDeleteI think starting this blog was a really great idea. And since you have decided to be or at least try out the whole SAHM thing, this way you can still share your humor, wit, and thoughts with other people.
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to more entries.
Claire, this blog makes me so sad!! Sad because I haven't even seen Jackson, and didnt know he was a giant! I know what you mean about the loneliness, my oldest sister was a SAHM and felt the same way. I remember she used to put her crying son to bed and stand on the other side of the door listening to him cry, sometimes holding her middle finger up to the door. She felt so awful, but she told me she had to express her anger somehow haha. And what are you talking about "not artsy or crafty"? What a lie!! haha, you are the coolest, most talented person I know. I only wish there were other cool, talented people around to keep you company. How are the animales??
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking for a long long that you should be a blogger because you have a real gift, and being a SAHM is sooooo lonely. It is so difficult not to lose yourself. I think your writing could really help a lot of women who are feeling the same thing, but who are afraid to say it or who feel guilty saying it. Motherhood is the toughest job you'll ever love.
ReplyDeleteI love you! I'm so proud of who you are, and you should be too!
Claire,
ReplyDeleteI haven't met you yet, but I work with David. :) I'm currently pregnant with my first baby, and I really appreciate your honesty on this topic! I know SAHM vs career mom is a heated debate topic, and both sides seem to proclaim their stance as the optimum choice, without ever even mentioning the downside. It's nice to hear an honest perspective about the reality of being a SAHM, particularly from someone who's transitioning from focusing on her career to focusing on raising her child. I hope you continue to write about your challenges and successes so I (and possibly others like me) can learn about the reality of what you're experiencing without having to go through it myself! :)
PS, I can't believe your 10-month-old is wearing 2T, and about to go through a growth spurt! Holy cow! :)
Claire,
ReplyDeleteI could never do what you are doing, and I admire you, especially because you are willing to admit how hard it is. I look forward to following your blog.